"WEIRD THINGS CUSTOMERS SAY IN BOOKSTORES" BY JEN CAMPBELL

Some of MY favorites from the book, MONTY PYTHON connections:

Ghosts
p. 206, Customer: I need to return this book on ghosts.
Bookseller: Is there a problem with it?
Customer: Yes. It's haunted.
-Susan Holland: Smith Books, Victoria, British Columbia, Canada

Ref: Alice In Wonderland
p. 25-26, Customer: Do you have any of those books where you can change the names of the main character to the name of the person you're giving the book to? Do you have ALICE IN WONDERLAND, but not Alice. I'd like SARAH in WONDERLAND.
Bookseller: I'm afraid you have to buy those from the publisher, as they're print on demand service.
Customer: Yeah, I don't really have time to do that. Do you have a copy of ALICE IN WONDERLAND? Then I can just cross out the name myself and change it.

Ref: Picture Books
P. 43, Customer: It makes me sad that grown-up books don't have pictures in them. You're brought up with them when you're younger, and then suddenly they're all taken away!
Bookseller: Yes. It's a cruel world.

Ref: Bumblebee
p. :46, Customer (to bookseller): Won't be a sec.
     (Customer wanders off into non-fiction)
Bookseller: So, what's your name?
Child: Sarah.
Bookseller: Sarah? That's a beautiful name.
Child: Thank you.
Bookseller: So, Sarah, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Child:...A bumblebee.
Bookseller: Excellent.

13
p. 94, Bookseller: Ok, so with postage costs that brings your total to $13.05. One second and I'll get the card machine.
Customer: No. No, absolutely not. I demand that you charge me $12.99. I will not pay for anything that starts with thirteen. You're trying to give me bad luck. Now, change it, or I will find a bookstore that doesn't want me to fall down a hole and die. Ok?

LOTR
p. 104, (Customer brings THE LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy to the counter)
Customer: I am Legolas and I need to spread the word about THE LORD OF THE RINGS. I need to have this book for free.
Bookseller: No, I'm sorry, I can't give you the book for free.
Customer's Friend: You have failed your quest!
- Christopher Miya, Pegasus Books, Berkeley and Oakland, CA
p. 133, Customer (to her friend, upon opening a copy of THE LORD OF THE RINGS): Oh, look, this one's got a a map in the front.
Customer's friend: Oh yeah. Where's it of?
Customer: Mor...Mor-dor.
Customer's friend: Oh. Where's that then?

Harry Potter
p. 114, Customer: Do you have Harry Potter book seven, part two?
Bookseller: Book seven is just one volume.
Customer: But the movie has two parts, so there must be a second book. They don't just make movies from nothing!
- Gabe Konrad, Buy Leaf Used & Rarte Books, Sand Lake, MI
   
...so much more...208 pages total